The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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