MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
