Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
