Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dignity is for republicans.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
