We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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