I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
