I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize