I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize