I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
