so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she peed on how many people?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
