Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
