Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
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I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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