Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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