$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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