This is not my ceiling
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
