Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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