I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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