apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
