My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
