Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
handjob tips. give me some.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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