i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
