I puked a lego.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
