Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
