her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
