You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize