when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can I color on your dick again?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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