We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
