I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
