Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
