So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
where am i from again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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