We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
