i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
