My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
