I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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