ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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