Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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