I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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