I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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