So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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