what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
