fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
