Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.

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  (703): I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is. http://tfl.nu/7kmq
  Replies (53) Good night (893) Bad night (3192)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button

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  (512): so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button http://tfl.nu/bgvc
  Replies (11) Good night (2792) Bad night (1553)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.

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  (229): New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents. http://tfl.nu/bhqx
  Replies (21) Good night (6716) Bad night (923)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.

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  (610): At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch. http://tfl.nu/wzxh
  Replies (12) Good night (1230) Bad night (5373)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'

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  (501): She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!' http://tfl.nu/emq3
  Replies (12) Good night (4653) Bad night (1486)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.

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  (716): Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan. http://tfl.nu/rfh9
  Replies (4) Good night (1945) Bad night (829)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.

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  (847): He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited. http://tfl.nu/2tlf
  Replies (20) Good night (6984) Bad night (989)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!

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  (479): I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning! http://tfl.nu/musz
  Replies (12) Good night (1655) Bad night (638)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.

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  (717): Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers. http://tfl.nu/8bi9
  Replies (6) Good night (1364) Bad night (545)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.

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  (815): I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes. http://tfl.nu/i72f
  Replies (7) Good night (1989) Bad night (607)
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  (916): View more from California

  WHY did you say no to the sex seance?

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  (916): WHY did you say no to the sex seance? http://tfl.nu/czv9
  Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (639)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole

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  (201): New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole http://tfl.nu/gxas
  Replies (4) Good night (813) Bad night (587)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.

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  (970): I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me. http://tfl.nu/0q6n
  Replies (1) Good night (987) Bad night (445)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night

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  (586): The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night http://tfl.nu/8plh
  Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (291)
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  (585): View more from New York

  this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile

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  (585): this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile http://tfl.nu/57e7
  Replies (0) Good night (753) Bad night (337)

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