what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis