if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.