I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW