Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?