I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
