I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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