I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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