Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
