I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
