I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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