he wants to bone in the snuggie
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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