I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
