pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
