i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
