FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
