ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
