He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
