You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
