Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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