wrigley field is MILF paradise
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
