Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
