Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
