i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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