That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
