$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
