Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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