I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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