cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
