dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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