Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
