In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
