i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just pee around me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
