i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
