Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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