Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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