my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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