You just made me feel so damn special
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
