So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
