YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
