i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
