I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
