Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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