we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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