I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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