Everything about him screamed your future.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
