at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
