how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
